Sister, mother, nana, wife, gourmet cook, bridge player, world traveller, civil servant. Born in Brampton, Ontario on April 22, 1941.  Died on August 19^th, 2012 in Mississauga, of cancer, age 71.

Karen was the beloved second sister, in a close-knit family of seven daughters. She was born to Jack and Jeanne Calvert, greenhouse farmers, in “Flower Town”, Brampton, Ontario. It was in the family greenhouses where Karen started working, at age nine, beginning a lifetime of industry and purpose, forever determined to earn her own money and make a difference in the world.

The loss of her mother when Karen was 18 and about to leave home for university left an indelible mark on her life.  The sisterly bond that formed as the sisters supported each other in the years following their mother’s death and throughout their lives was extraordinary.

Karen woke-up each day with a smile on her face and a plan. Always able to manage many things at a time, Karen juggled motherhood and a career as a civil servant. As a young mother, she sewed her children’s clothes and Halloween costumes, developed her skills as a gourmet cook and sang silly songs while driving. Her enthusiastic cheering and her phrase, “Dig deep!” made us feel special. She read to her children each night, instilling a love of reading. Karen’s authentic character always shone through, no matter what she was doing.

Three children, Miriam, Lianne and Derek were born to Karen and her first husband Colin Freel.  We were all proud of our hard-working and spirited mom, yet in her early forties, she was unhappy and needed to move away. We were devastated, and profoundly felt her loss in our home.

Karen found a loving life partner and kindred spirit, John Roe. Her career included 11 years on the Ontario Board of Parole, and time as president of the Canadian Hearing Society. She completed her career as a Human Rights trainer for the Ontario Government. Karen loved to cook for family and friends, reveled in planning menus, baked birthday cakes, turned her handiwork to knitting and cross-stitching and following retirement, took up Duplicate Bridge with a passion.

It was in the last twenty years of her life, the stars aligned for Karen, and she experienced the happiness and success that she had been striving for her entire life. Karen led her own busy and fulfilling life, yet if one of her children needed her, she would drop everything and help out. She would always arrive with recipes in hand, a game to play, a song to sing, and with her sleeves rolled up. She would often call on a Friday morning, as she was heading to the grocery store, wondering if we had plans on Sunday evening. If not, could she bring dinner?

Karen and John loved to travel the world and went everywhere! It was on her first trip to Africa years ago, that Karen proclaimed that as her legacy, she would like to take her grandchildren travelling. Six of the grandchildren lived this dream with trips to Egypt, India and Thailand, forming lifelong memories with their Nana and instilling in each of them, a love of travel and respect for other cultures. These adventures included spending three nights on a felucca on the Nile, travelling by houseboat in India’s backwaters and cooking lessons on the beach in Puket. One grandson recalls how, “Wherever Nana went, she always treated people with respect. I liked that about her.” She made a difference in the world and is dearly missed.

Over the years, my Mom has taught my family and me many life lessons. We have brainstormed and created a top ten list of Mom’s Life Lessons and we would like to share these with you today.

Karen’s Life Lessons

Pick up the Phone

Travel the World

Roll up your Sleeves

Brush your Teeth

Stand up Straight

Dig Deep

Pay Yourself First

Take the High Road

Make Lemonade

Think of the Queen

Life Lesson #1

Pick up the Phone

My Mom taught me that if you want to talk to someone, don’t wait for them to call you- just pick up the phone. Life gets busy and sometimes days or a week would go by and I would not chat with my Mom. Friday morning, at 8 am would come and the phone would ring. She was on her way to the grocery store and wondering if we had plans for dinner on Sunday. If not, could she bring dinner to us? Of course! The usual plan- Mom, John and Zoe would arrive around 4, and whoever was around would go on a meandering neighbourhood walk, with dogs in tow- she would chose the route. A delicious dinner would follow, usually with a debate around the dining room table. That was our routine. My Mom did not wait for her kids to call. If she wanted to speak to us or see us, she picked up the phone. This is an important life lesson to parents and grandparents- if you want to speak to your children and spend time with them and their families, quite simply, pick up the phone! Offering to make dinner is icing on the cake.

Life Lesson #2

Travel the World

My Mom loved to travel and experience the world. She shared this passion with her grandchildren and has instilled in all of us a love of travel. This past summer, Paul, Ross and I had the trip of a lifetime planned- three weeks in Tanzania. My Mom found out that she had cancer, two days before we left. She so generously and bravely kept the news to herself, not wanting us to worry about her and cancel our trip. It was the best trip of our lives, and my Mom was thrilled that we could experience the joy of going on safari and seeing giraffes, elephants and lions in the wild. It was on her first trip to Africa years ago, that she proclaimed that as her legacy, she would like to take her grandchildren travelling- this dream was even before she had any grandchildren. As she would say, “Wish it, dream it, do it”.

Life Lesson #3

Roll up Your Sleeves

My Mom was not afraid to get her hands dirty and roll-up her sleeves. Whether it was stuffing a turkey, changing a diaper, or volunteering on a school field trip, Mom was always there to help us out. She was there when each of our children was born and she was there at all of the important celebrations in their lives, including Lexi’s graduation from high school at the end of May, where Mom looked like a million bucks and couldn’t have been prouder. Mom led her own busy and fulfilling life, yet if we needed her, she was willing to drop everything and fly to wherever her family was living at the time- New Brunswick, Ottawa, Minneapolis, London, Mont Tremblant… she would arrive, recipes in hand, ready to help, with her sleeves rolled up.

Life Lesson #4

Brush Your Teeth

For those who knew my Mom well, you would know that teeth were very important to her. While growing up, brushing your teeth was as important as breathing in our house. Flossing was a must and regular trips to the dentist, a biannual ritual. Thanks to her diligence I did not have a filling until I was forty. Mom’s obsession with teeth continued with the grandchildren. You can imagine her horror when one of her grandsons came home from camp one year, having lost his toothbrush on day one, and did not brush his teeth for a month. So many people have remarked to me about my Mom’s brilliant and memorable smile. All those years of taking care of her teeth left a lasting impression. Brush your teeth.

Life Lesson #5

Stand up Straight

After teeth, posture was a close second in importance to Mom, in terms of physical appearance. Standing up straight did not only make you look better, but made you feel better and radiate confidence. My brother Derek’s perfect posture was her benchmark. Whenever one of the grandchildren dared to slouch in front of Nana, all she needed to say was, “Derek Freel” and shoulders were thrown back, and the chest was pressed up and out into the perfect stance. “Derek Freel”.

Life Lesson #6

Dig Deep

You have heard the saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”. My Mom was tough and she could dig deep. At the same time, she was a wonderful cheerleader and always encouraged all of us to dig deep and be the best we could be. She attended countless hockey and soccer games, skiing and running races, and the grandchildren were always thrilled to have her in the stands. Mom’s enthusiastic cheering could be heard by all- it was sometimes embarrassing, yet at the same time always appreciated.  “Dig Deep” was her anthem. That final stretch of a running race somehow was easier, knowing that Nana was at the finish line, cheering the loudest.

Life Lesson #7

Pay Yourself First

Pay yourself first, was another of Mom’s mottos. She carefully managed her money, never over-spending, and always making sure to put money away to invest for her future. She wanted her savings to be working hard for her, as she hated “lazy money”. Mom made an effort to coach her grandchildren into saving their money and paying themselves first. I know that at the back of their minds when they feel their money burning a hole in their pockets, they will remember Nana and think twice about over-spending.

Life Lesson #8

Take the High Road

My Mom had a strong character and high ambitions and she did not have time for people who tried to stand in her way. If she did have differences with people, Mom would strive to take the high road, and not lower herself to their level. She did not have time for pettiness and nonsense. She strongly believed that eggs needed to be broken to make an omelette. She always took the high road and taught all of us to do the same.

Life Lesson #9

Make Lemonade

Another one of Mom’s sayings was, “When given lemons, make lemonade”. She was a positive person, who woke up most days with a smile on her face. She was thankful for that and in recent years remarked with some regularity how lucky she was to be such a happy person. Her cup was always half full, never half empty. No matter how many lemons were put in her path, she always found a way to make lemonade.

Life Lesson #10

Think of the Queen

This saying became famous with the grandchildren while on their big adventures with Mom and John.  Mom told the story about the time she was in a remote village in Nepal, and she had a massage that made her feel quite uncomfortable. Somehow a vision of the Queen, all regal and proper, gave her the fortitude to get through it. From then onwards, if Mom or any of us ever felt uncomfortable in a difficult or awkward situation, we always try to, “Think of the Queen”.

The Dash by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth…
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars, the house, the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard…
are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
That can still be rearranged

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile…
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy’s being read
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?

Ross’ Speech

My name is Ross Hill and I want to talk to you about my grandmother. My Nana.

My Nana came to the hospital in Ottawa, just after I was born. She brought Lexi and Jack with her, and they sang Happy Birthday all the way to the hospital. She liked to tell me that story every year on my birthday.

When I was six, Nana asked me what kind of birthday cake I would like. I replied, “May I have a chocolate cake, with vanilla icing, in the shape of a molecule?” She responded by saying, “I’ll see what I can do.” She did love cooking, especially birthday cakes.

I was at camp this year when Nana was sick. She wanted me to stay at camp, rather than come home for her final days. Before she went into the hospital she purchased my birthday gift, a book about Hyenas, which she had read about in the Globe and Mail. She was so happy that I got to go to Africa and go on a safari. She loved to travel and she passed this love onto me.

When I was eleven, Nana brought my cousin Darcy and me to Thailand. We had so much fun, just Nana, Poppa, Darcy and me. It was a great experience and I wouldn’t have had it without my grandparents’ benevolence. Wherever Nana went, she always treated people with respect. I liked that about her.

The thing that I will miss most about Nana is how she cheered for me at races. She’d yell, “Woo hoo, dig deep!!” It is safe to say that she was a little crazy!

In the end, it will be the little things that we all remember. Whether it be her phrases, such as “Dig deep”, or “Think of the Queen”, her skills at playing bridge, her smile or her birthday cakes… it is these little things that make her so hard to lose.